It's a bad time for me

[Lucky1]

    I have so many disks fused I lost count. Plates in my neck rods in my lumbar pain all the time, for about 20 Years in pain. A destroyed life, I live in my van and survive another day.
So please excuse me if I can't respond other than this.  I don't want to get myself depressed right now,
I'm watching the Masters.     GOOD LUCK

[mloved]

Lucky - you're practically bionic, wth!

Us two fibros living together threaten each other by saying "I don't care what you say, I gonna regurgitate you!!"  Then we laugh.  Both of us do not want to be resuscitated at this time but that may change.  But I know she'll do her darnest to keep me alive, no matter what - cause she's like that.

[looneylane]

Praying for you Lucky1! Us titanium folks have to stick together.

[ronr]

I have seen a report - somewhere lost in the fog - that said that in the states that have assisted suicide, that there is a very small percentage of folks that actually follow though with taking the medications even after the long and detailed procedure to procure them.

[Robby]

I'll say it again, I hope it never gets to that point. But, if it does, then it does....

It wasn't my intent to start any arguments over this topic (I'm glad none have happened), I just needed to tell someone, and seeing how this damned illness has isolated me, confined to my house, you were the only people I could tell. Thank you for being concerned about me, those of you who tried to change my mind I feel honored that you would feel I'm worth it, and for those who agreed with me, I'm so glad that someone else can understand my decision. This is not something I came up with and followed through with very quickly while in a very depressed state. I am fighting some depression but not necessarily over this.  This is something I have thought about for a while, and it's something I am making plans for, to implement at some time later, probably 10 years or so later, if and only if things get to a point of no return. I will do every thing I can to prevent it getting to that point, but we both know that with the illnesses I have there is no control, you just hang on tight, enjoy the ride, and hope you don't fall off...

[looneylane]

Right on Robbyk just keep hanging on and hanging in with us!

[foxgrove]

We got your back brother...  I've been working my way through the whole assisted suicide thing recently as well and my heart is still troubled but I can see that you've been able to get through the fog and see a clear path.  We're right there with you praying that it'll never get there for either of us.  Be well brother... hang on tight 'cause life ain't done handing us wild and crazy stuff. 

Fox

[Hollywood]

Holy shOT this is one of those threads you save. Robby your first post was basically word for word what I would have said.  Being on Methadone high doses for years and then being cut off was hEll. im still a mess.

oh yea wasn't cut off because i did nothing wrong...it's florida and the dumbass DEA...........So I suffer because they are idiots
'
I always used to debate with my MOM, she was hard line Catholic. So i used to ask why can we put a dog out of it's misery, but not a human. Still haven't figured that one out.

i'm here with you robby and respect any decision you make. i'm not here to judge.  love you all Stephen.

[looneylane]

Yeah the drug war is being waged on the innocent more than the criminals. Noone should have to needlessly suffer I dont believe God wants that

[Hollywood]

you got that right LOONEY!!  I feel like i'm being punished for what others did. As if fibro isn't bad enough but to go thru withdrawals on top of that. The only time suicide comes into my mind is when i'm in withdrawals. WDs do horrible things to your mind, not to mention the pain which is at 10 all the time until my natural opiates in my brain start working again if they ever do.

The only thing that makes me happy is thinking that one of these DEA or goverment jerks have to suffer thru it one day.

Robby i came back on because i just keep thinking about your post.  This may be an idea or not, but if your therapist wants you to write, then write your life's story. and then you can solve your money problems.  i've have been wanting to do it I just can't find the patience and the energy to write all that stuff down. I guarantee my story would sell books, because people wouldn't believe someone could do what i have done and survived. I don't even believe some of the stuff I did. I guess I just wasn't meant to die, because i have many people that have done the same and even less and they didn't make it.

Just one example was when i broadsided a car at 60 mph on my motorcycle. I woke up once in the street and i could hear people saying , "he's dead" "no i just saw his leg move" I woke up a week later alive in the hospital full of titanium

or the weekends I would spend in parts of miami you should never go, especially if your white. But I survived that to, got robbed alot but still survived.

[looneylane]

Oh Hollywood we rally should share some stories!!! Like the time I was working security at a concert and kicked some neo nazis out only to have stop people from killing them until the cops got there. They were all tough until they were surrounded by real Canadian punk rockers. Neo nazis don't do good unless they are in a fair size group. Almost felt like letting everyone after them but somehow it felt like it would be no better then them.

[Robby]

I could tell you several times that I was delivering pizza in neighborhoods that white people didn't go in at all, much less with a pocket full of money. I've had knives pulled, been at the wrong end of a gun barrel, and even had a group of extreme bodybuilders try to to rob me, just because they could. The cops stayed away unless they had to, ambulances would park just outside the neighborhood and wait until there were at least two cop cars with them before they would go in, most of the time the people in there had to meet the ambulance at a church parking lot if they could be moved. I never did get robbed, I did say knives, and wrong end of gun barrels, but I never was one to show fear, so I usually could bluff my way out of any situation, just because I wasn't afraid. After all, if your at the end of a gun barrel, and your not scared, there are only a couple of reasons for that, and I could think faster than they did, so it got to the point my car was known well enough that I got away with going in there. I absolutely hate the N word, but it has saved my but more than once. If you have a knife, at your throat, and you call the person holding the knife a "stupid N", apparently you have something to back up what you say. It works when he is holding a gun also, that really freaks them out, they really don't know how to handle that.

Then there are some of the bars I hung out in with the people I hung out there with. It's amazing I lived through that. I've also always had a good heart, luckily was also a good judge of character because I've picked people up that were walking down the road, I've picked people up at gas stations at 2:00 am, and carried them home and let them sleep on the couch, until they could get a hold of family, to get home. Never was even robbed, they were all just grateful that somebody cared. I look back now, and wonder what I was thinking, but at the time it seemed like an ok thing to do. I've had several people tell me to write my story, but I would probably need to get an actual author to really help me, I could give some major events, but then to try and fill in months in between, to make it more than three or four pages long, I would be at a loss. I just don't do good when it comes to fine details, I'm more of a big picture person. Same way when I was in management, I could operate entire stores or plants with the best efficiency in history, but if walked up to an individual station, or machine it needed to be cleaned, because I just didn't think about sweeping, or dusting, or things like that, but I could make sure that every truck ran on time every time, which meant that the entire manufacturing process had to work on schedule every day without fail, I could do the big job, but not the small stuff. I could give a good timeline, and some events along the timeline, but zoom into the story, and there wouldn't be much there.

[Hollywood]

yea looney we should share some stories but not on here....LOL i could end up in jail again.  That's cool about the neo nazis. I don't know if i would have protected them like you , because my wife is born Jewish.

Why did she marry a Catholic? because neither of us were very spiritual back in the day. Now I have to have my faith it's all I've got, you know what i mean?

Maybe we can try to top the other with stories and people on her can vote, who's is worse?LOL

I got jumped in a midnight movie back in the day , spent 10 days in the hospital with a fractured skull , lost the hearing in my left ear and had a grand mal seizure due to an allergic reaction to compeziene while in the hospital.

And I hope I did the right thing because when I went to the state attorney and they were going to ruin these guys lives, one was in the navy. i dropped all charges and just chalked it up to a good as kicking.

I hope these guys went on to be better people than when they kicked my butt for no reason. But i just couldn't see ruining there lives, when i've been givin so many second chances.

[looneylane]

I was beat up by 4 BC lions football players back in the day! For some reason they thought they needed all four? I think one or two would have been plenty? LOl I ended up with a fractured skull and swelling on the brain and here I thought my head was tougher than a brick wall...still not sure what that was about?

[Hollywood]

looney ...........4 football players wins hands down on my 3 in the movie theater. you win that one