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If Life Has a Reset Button

Started by Shadowyfox, July 26, 2014, 09:37:08 PM

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Shadowyfox

So yeah, I'm real frustrated and don't know how to balance between being a good guy and being firm in my beliefs on the subject. You've all heard my rants about the job and stuff like that. Well, my life has been going down hill, the pain has been getting worse, and I don't really get good rest. I'm up till almost 3 am, and not waking up till noon. Thankfully, my schedule is 3:30 pm to midnight otherwise I'd be oversleeping but I'm exhausted. I'm working a ton of hours to support a life I'm not even sure I want anymore.

It's tearing me apart inside because, since February, I've no longer been in love with my wife. Since about 6 months into the marriage, she's been volatile, prone to throwing things, yelling obscenities (directed at me frequently), then breaking down crying and saying I'm mean, followed by her running to our shared bedroom for almost half an hour, then demanding that I console her and making me feel like a poor excuse for a man.

So I had enough on Monday and tried to tell her it was over and she needed to move out. Well, she pleaded for two weeks to convince me that I still loved her. I really am regretting I gave those two weeks and want to revoke them without being a complete donkey.

countryboy

Sorry guy.........what a stressor!   Stress added to more stress makes a man almost insane.   :emowall:
IT IS BETTER TO BE CONSIDERED A FOOL, THAN TO
OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND REMOVE ALL DOUBT.   But
UNFORTUNTELY MOST PEOPLE REFUSE TO LEAVE ANY DOUBT.  -unknown-

ANY FOOL CAN CRITICIZE, CONDEM AND COMPLAIN --
AND MOST FOOLS DO.   'Benjamin Franklin'

AJohnsy

-Sighs- I don't know how you do it Shadowy! I hope that everything works out for you guys and in the end you can find happiness.

- Adam

"Live by the foma that makes you brave and kind and healthy and happy."

Shadowyfox

I don't know how I do it either, except cry. A lot. My family says they've seen the abuse for months and were/are afraid it's physical. I've only ever been hit once (in the arm, while driving), but I just am too nice of a guy. And apparently I'm developing more health issues. A nasty rash that won't really go away. Such an iconic look to it that research either circles me around to confirming crohns (on top of fibro) or pancreatic cancer. As bad as it sounds, I'm hoping the former, because I'm not ready to die yet.

I really think I'm going to try to become active in the domestic abuse community, especially for straight males and other non traditional targets.

I told her on Monday and her grandma asked me about the sexual assault/rape I was claiming my wife was forcing me into...she said "oh, that's just part of marriage. Easier to just say yes and get it over with." She then accused me of taking out my past on my wife. Well, I'm sorry if I told my wife my past (and the trauma and issues with it) when we got together about it, and she seemed to understand...then she does what she does, and neither see why the trust and love is just gone.

My family thinks I'm spineless for not just kicking her out on Monday and having her move out on Tuesday...but I married her, and part of me still wants to make sure she's ok. Maybe they're right.

ronr

Sounds like she may have bi-polar issues that need treating.

A terribly rough spot to be in and mountains of stress that you do not need.  Seek help wherever you can find it.
Times are tough when "Happy Hour" is your nap.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

looneylane

I read this and didn't know what to say yesterday. I think ronr hit it on the head she may have mental health issues undiagnosed. Obviously you still care even if you don't feel the love you once did but dont be a doormat for abuse. My ex used to pound on me and I was raised to never strike a woman even in self defence so I ended up in the Er with a partially collapsed lung. Don't be that guy! :bighug:

Shadowyfox

Yeah, it definitely is a rough spot, but I think you all are right. I own the house and the car (both were mine from before the marriage), so I just need to get her out before she does something I'm going to regret. I'll be friends with her, but this needs to be over. No more procrastinating. Just getting things done and removing at least one layer of stress.

countryboy

Sounds to me like that one layer of stress could be underlining the majority of the rest of the stress.   buttkick buttkick
IT IS BETTER TO BE CONSIDERED A FOOL, THAN TO
OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND REMOVE ALL DOUBT.   But
UNFORTUNTELY MOST PEOPLE REFUSE TO LEAVE ANY DOUBT.  -unknown-

ANY FOOL CAN CRITICIZE, CONDEM AND COMPLAIN --
AND MOST FOOLS DO.   'Benjamin Franklin'

Shadowyfox

I think it's definitely making all of them worse. And my manager at work is just as immature and irresponsible as my wife. Sorry, but I only can handle one instance of that in my life right now.

I also apparently have a scab that could possibly be necrosis since it's not healing properly. Either caused by crohns or pancreatic cancer. Yet another stress and financial expense I can't afford right now.

DEL

Lord, please give my brother relief from his stress, put your healing power in his life, and help him to
feel your love and our support. AMEN! :smiley praying: ::Amen::
"Today, you will be with me in paradise."

I have to be me; no one else wants the job!

Praise God and Pass the Ammo!

If only my Aunt had balls she'd be my Uncle!

foxgrove

I can't imagine the stress that this is bringing into your life.  I really strongly believe that your wife is suffering from an undiagnosed condition, possibly bi-polar or chronic depression... I really hope she is able to get some help for that.  I can't imagine dealing with that on top of fibro and holding down a job.  You must feel like little bits of you are constantly being torn away and not replaced.  You both remain in my prayers brother.  :budy:

I hear your stress increasing as you talk about your rash and scabs.  As someone who was prone to self-diagnosis and scaring myself silly, I would like to ask that you go to a free clinic or something and have it diagnosed.  

What it ends up being is almost never what we self-diagnose it to be.  The problem is that we have a tendency to think shark instead of dolphin when we see fins in the water.  I'm not saying you haven't been totally diligent in your research but truly, we are not doctors when it comes down to it.  

Remember that even the doctors have to depend on swabs and lab results most of the time.  We just don't have access to things like that.  I'm concerned that you're increasing your stress over nothing.  Be well.. get it checked out brother.  :bighug:
Where God leads, His hand always provides
...so keep Calm and code on....

Foxgrove

denny

Sorry to hear it man.
Try zinc oxide.it most always cures my rashes.
I have crohns and used to get all sorts of unexplained rashes.
Guess i grew out of it,knock on wood.
I KNEW IT WAS THE ALIENS!



"FREE ME FROM EXISTANCE"
It is what it is...

Shadowyfox

Well doctor's appointment scheduled for next week and meeting with the lawyer next week too. I'm very much hoping good news all around.

looneylane

Glad to hear things are moving forward keep us informed!

Shadowyfox

Well, two steps forward and four steps back....I just got a write up at work for something completely idiotic, something I was never even taught how to do, and now, if I get any other sort of write up, even a minor one, I'm fired. They work me for weeks on end, never a break, sometimes without a lunch, a good deal of time just by myself for hours on busy days, and then they think it's unthinkable I mess up on protocol.

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